"My candle burns at both ends / It will not last the night; / But, ah, my foes, and oh, my friends- / It gives a lovely light!" - Edna St. Vincent Millay (one of my favorite poets)This last week has literally been one of the hardest weeks of my entire life, for personal reasons, in addition to being right in the midst of one of my busiest seasons ever (yay!). In trying to keep my head above water, I notice that I've become intensely honed in on the small, intimate moments of beauty that add together to make up a life. I see, I really see, the sun set on a cornfield on the drive home, and I am glad. I feel the warm summer night air start to take on a tinge of crispness, and I am glad. I am physically surrounded by books. I love the dusty sunlight that filters in through my tall windows. I love every sip of black coffee. I love the sound my phone makes to let me know a friend has texted me. I love the way water feels on my skin in the shower. I love the fuzz on the delicate leaves of the plants on my windowsill. I love the way my muscles feel drained from use at the gym.
My hope is that these small loves will add together to compose something bigger, something that is capable of sustaining me and filling in other, larger, emptinesses. Whatever joys I have earned, both small and large, have not come easily. They have been fought for, as in, tooth-and-nail, battle-axes-and-swords, sweat-and-tears, fought for. Choosing happiness has been one of the hardest decisions in my life, but one of the least regrettable. There is so much beauty in the world, and so much pain, and sometimes the two overlap, and sometimes they're the same, and sometimes I am overcome by both. If you believe in good vibes err whatever, send em my way. XOXO
“Let everything happen to you Beauty and terror Just keep going No feeling is final” ―Rainer Maria Rilke